Research shows that 80% of people don’t enjoy their career and have other dreams, but don’t take the risk to make them a reality.
I use the word risk on purpose, because fear is the main reason we stop ourselves having what we really want. Fear that we won’t make it. Fear that when we get there, our dream won’t be as good as we imagined. Fear that it will, but that we are selfish or arrogant for having such a good life. Fear of what other people might think. Fear of not having enough money or security. You name it, we can be afraid of it.
And yet, one of my greatest fears is that I will live a life without meaning. I am afraid that when I die I will not have not used my time and abilities to make the world a better place. It sounds corny, but it is a deeply held fear.
So for me, the signs that you are living what Thoreau called ‘a life of quiet desperation’ are warnings indeed. But warnings that contain within them clues that can help us all find the fulfilment and purpose that we are craving.
Take a look and see if you recognise any of them in yourself. And if you do, just ask, what am I going to do about it? What am I going to do to make sure I live the life I am really capable of?
Warning no.1:
You get excited and inspired when you hear about someone who has taken risks and made a real difference in their life, but you don’t take action yourself.
The people who inspire you are like beacons. They prove to us that it is possible to succeed. They provide a pathway to follow, when the path seems unclear.
We can learn a lot about what is important to use by looking at the people we are most interested in. What is it about them that lifts our hearts? Spend a moment to notice. Then find a way, however big or small, to build that into your own life.
Warning no. 2
You tell yourself that there is nothing you can do because there is a recession on.
Change is challenging at any time. But people who make things happen during the toughest periods learn to be resilient and resourceful. If you can make it now, just what will you be capable of when times are good.
It is true that many career changes are more challenging in a recession. But this warning is often used as an excuse for not living the life that you want right now.
There will always be a reason to delay. There are always more reasons not to.
Warning no. 3
You tell yourself that changing career is just too risky.
We all live with risk all the time. Even staying where you are involves risk.
The way to deal with this is threefold:
- Check whether the risks are real, or based on unreal fears.
- Create a life where you are set up to give yourself the security you really need. Find ways to manage the risks. Pay off debt or put aside some savings. Develop your skills so you are more employable. This strategy gives you security whatever you decide to do with your life.
- Make changes you can accommodate, even if you fail. Do your research. Meet people in the field you want to move to. Make a plan. Find ways to make the change gradually.
Warning no. 4
You have a rant about how ‘unlucky’ you are not having the chance to make a difference
If you are reading this you are wealthy enough to have internet access, educated enough to read and interested enough in changing your life to have got down to warning no. 4. It is true that luck plays a part in everyone’s life. But you are already amongst some of the luckiest people in the world.
Now it is time to make more of your own luck. Delve into what you have learned from the toughest experiences in your life. Listen to your gut when it tells you what difference you would most like to make in the world. Think about what you can do, rather than what you can’t. Now just go and do it.
Warning no. 5
You tell yourself that you don’t have the time to make a career change
Do you have the time not to? Life is short.
Time is one of the two most common excuses for not changing career (the other being money). But if single mothers with kids and a job can do it, you can do it. You just need one important thing: to decide, really decide, that you are going to.
It is true that you cannot do everything in life. But you can do one or two of the things at the top of your list. It is up to you. Is this at the top?
Warning no. 6
You know that too many of your decisions are being driven by fear, but you just can’t help yourself
Fear is probably the most powerful emotion that most of us have. For long-standing survival reasons, fear doesn’t often operate consciously. Instead it triggers responses that keep us doing what we have always done.
The more we can make our fears conscious and get help overcoming them, the more we build our courage muscles. And the more we build our courage muscles, the more we have choices in our lives to do what really matters.
Start practising with tiny steps that allow you to look fear in the eye and tell it that you will be fine.
Warning no. 7
You used to have fun, have dreams, have vision: but now you just to what you need to, to get through the day
Does it feel like you are existing, rather than living? This warning sign is like the mother of all the others. You know if applies to you in all or part of your life.
What do you you need to do about it? Find ways to rediscover that fun, those dreams, that vision. Listen to yourself to hear what is important. And find ways to make it true for yourself. Even if those ways are small – take a moment to do a creative project, go for a walk in the sunshine, reconnect with an old friend – make sure you do the things that bring you back to life regularly.
Warning no. 8
Whenever you use any of the excuses above, you have a quiet sinking feeling in your gut. Yes, that is the ‘quiet desperation’ making itself heard, quietly.
It is time to stop telling yourself that it is OK, if it isn’t. You know, you always know, if you are putting off the things that matter most. Start by listening to yourself. And see what you learn about who you really are.
What are the warning signs in your own life? How have you overcome them, or how do you plan to? Are there others I have missed? Post a comment below to let me know what you think.
